1. Valley girl: Catherine Zeta–Jones returned home to Wales to celebrate her grandmother‘s '1st birthday in Ravenhill, Swansea yesterday Since marrying Michael Douglas over seven years ago, Catherine Zeta–Jones has rarely been seen in her native Wales.

2. Yes, there have been a few unfortunate moments actually, come to think of it, more than a few: the underage drinking bust; the next underage drinking bust; the sticking–out–the–tongue–at–the–photographers thing; the Valley Girl–style convention speech.

3. News articles nationwide, editorials and endless political blogs called her not ready for prime time, a valley girl for her diction, and worst of all for a Democrat of perfect pedigree, the next Sarah Palin, the Republican vice presidential nominee who was criticized for displaying flash but little substance.

4. I call this carefree verbalization "whateverspeak" (say it like a Valley Girl). People who practice it have no reservations about mangling or ignoring grammar rules and routinely use nonexistent words ("intimidatory") and meaningless terms ("pre–planning"). One manifestation that shows up with annoying regularity is government bureaucrats who have decided it sounds more authoritative to use "task" in place of "assign" as in, "That responsibility has been tasked to a new agency." I‘m willing to give teenagers some slack in this area, since they have a tradition of creating their own unique codes and dialects.

5. It doesn‘t really mean anything and is used the way some people use "like" in English. Îí êàê áû ïîåõàë êóïèòü õëåá. (He, like, went to buy bread.) Another parasite is òèïà, which, like êàê áû, has a legitimate use÷ to express a comparison or similarity. Îí êóïèë íîâóþ ìàøèíó –– îíà òèïà Äæèïà, òîëüêî ìåíüøå ðàçìåðîì. (He bought a new car –– something like a Jeep, only smaller.) As a parasite it means "kinda, sorta, like." ß, òèïà, õîòåë åé ïîçâîíèòü. (I kinda wanted to give her a call.) It can also be used to indicate a quote÷ Îíà, òèïà, íå õîчåò ïîéòè ñåãîäíÿ â êëóá ñåãîäíÿ. (She‘s like÷ I don‘t wanna go to the club tonight.) This can be sometimes translated by the equally appalling "go," used in Valley Girl English to mean "say." Îí, òèïà, õîчåò âûïèòü. È åé, òèïà, âñ¸ ðàâíî. (He goes÷ I wanna drink.